


at least one word

by diamondskies



Category: Gintama
Genre: Domesticity, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, don't let the fake deep premise fool you it actually gets quite sappy near the end, gintoki being a goner for hijikata but when is he not?, like.... Really Heavy, with heavy inclination towards the comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-25
Updated: 2019-05-25
Packaged: 2020-03-17 05:24:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,759
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18958750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diamondskies/pseuds/diamondskies
Summary: Hijikata’s eyes looked too dull. It reminded him of the sky right before the first droplet of rain. It made him think of how lonely his back appeared following Mitsuba’s departure, how worn out he looked after defeating Itou Kamotarou, and how faraway he seemed on the nights he spoke of his brother.The raid finished tonight but we found a traitor in the rank, Yamazaki had said.He... had to commitseppukuunder the Vice Commander’s order.Sorrow hung onto Hijikata after a raid, and Gintoki wanted to mend the cracks.





	at least one word

**Author's Note:**

> **disclaimer:** gintama belongs to sorachi hideaki. neither material nor commercial profit is gained from this fanfiction.

 

The incessant ringing of the phone forced Gintoki to drag himself out of the warm sanctuary that was his futon.

He had chalked it up as a prank call at first, for no one else would had the right mind to ring a picture perfect citizen like him this late. Then the possibility of it being a job request had popped into his mind, but he had been quick to shrug it off because if they were really desperate, they would try again on sane, working hours. Not to mention job request this late might as well spelled “trouble” in big bold letters and the sweet oblivion of sleep was much more tempting.

Too bad it seemed he wouldn’t be embracing it again anytime soon, judging from the insistent quality of this particular caller.

Yelling at the wall the phone hid behind hadn’t worked; neither had muffling the sound using his pillow and blanket. Demanding Kagura to pick up the phone only had had him listening to her quiet snores, so with a concoction of irritation and defeat bubbling in his chest, he walked towards the black landline vibrating on the table, wrapped his fingers around the handle, and yanked it towards his ear.

“Hello, this is Yorozuya’s Gin-chan and job requests are opened on nine because sleep is important for both the body and mind so try calling again later—”

“Boss!”

A high-pitched voice cut off Gintoki’s droning. “Ah, so it’s Jimmy- _kun_ ,” he said, squinting at the clock hanging to his right to make out the time. It was already past midnight and into the next day. That meant Shinsengumi’s latest raid should’ve ended today. “So, Jimmy- _kun_ , as I mentioned, sleep is essential for a healthy living and that’s why I will be hanging—”

“It’s about the Vice Commander,” Yamazaki said in a rush, as if that was the sure-fire way to catch Gintoki’s interest and prevent him from disconnecting the call—which was a misconception.

What was truly keeping Gintoki from putting back the receiver the moment he heard Yamazaki’s voice in the first place was the knowledge that the Shinsengumi had returned. “What about him?” Gintoki asked uninterestedly. His grip on the receiver was tense.

There was a pause. Gintoki considered threatening the answer out of him once more right before Yamazaki spilled.

Looked like he really wasn’t getting sleep again anytime soon.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Gintoki knew his eventual visitor almost arrived at Yorozuya the way he knew he could take a random stroll through town and bump into his annoying face, or the way he knew the other man would had his back when they stood side-by-side in the battlefield: instinctive and trusting. After putting down the bowl in his hand, he went to the entryway and leaned his shoulder to the wall with crossed arms, waiting for the sound of soles on woods to stop in front of his door.

The shadow on the washi was still for a moment too long and that was enough incentive for Gintoki to slide the door open himself.

He’d blame Hijikata’s almost two weeks of absence for how he was immediately taking in the man standing in front of him now.

There were bandages peeking from the edges of his yukata. _Chest, arms_ , Gintoki catalogued the wounds based on the places swathed by the white tape. _Left cheek, left temple_ , he added once he spotted the gauzes plastered there. From his footsteps and his upright posture, there seemed to be no damage to his legs, but Gintoki would had to make sure later.

Despite donning his haori, faint rosy hue dusted his nose and cheeks. It’s on the cusp of winter and his sensitivity to cold was showing. His bangs almost fell over his eyes as it always did after long assignments that left him no time to cut it. The dark circles beneath his eyes stood out more than usual against the blue of his eyes that were currently wide in surprise but had lost some of its usual cutting shine.

Gintoki’s chest twisted. “Well, look at what we have here. How shabby, Hijikata- _kun_ ,” he said instead. His usual mocking smile came up short.

Hijikata blinked. He took off the cigarette hanging loosely between his lips and pressed its stub against the fold of his pocket ashtray until what remained of the orange embers faded out, drowning both of them in the ultramarine of the night. “What do you expect, me dressed up for the red carpet after a raid?”

The manner in which he spat out the comeback lacked bite. He was high-strung.

The last remnants of Gintoki’s resistance crumbled away.

“You in the host costume also would be nice,” Gintoki said. A light-hearted quip to ease Hijikata up, so he wouldn’t tense at the hand cradling his unscathed cheek. “But as scruffy as you are, you don’t usually look this weary.”

Hijikata let out a sigh, long and worn out, yet said nothing. That was enough hint that he knew that Gintoki knew what caused the state he was currently in. With dropped eyelids, he leaned into Gintoki’s palm and Gintoki’s thumb brushed the shadow under his eyes. Gintoki wished the gesture could erase it away.

“Come in,” Gintoki told him. “Knowing you, you probably haven’t eaten anything, right?”

Any protest that almost escaped Hijikata’s mouth was cut off by Gintoki pulling him inside with his other hand. Closing the door behind Hijikata, Gintoki was quick to wrap his arms around the other man to hold him. To make sure he was safe. To make sure he was _here_.

Not for long, Hijikata returned the embrace. His fingers dug into Gintoki’s back and Gintoki could feel his heavy breaths on his shoulder. For one foolish moment, Gintoki mused that if thoughts had forms, he would catch Hijikata’s and learn its every nook and cranny so he could take away the hurt.

But Hijikata wouldn’t like that and it was a childish notion that had no place after the rough paths they had traversed, so Gintoki just squeezed him tighter.

 

 

* * *

 

 

There were no regrets, only laments as Gintoki took out a mayonnaise from the stack lined up neatly on the bottom shelf of his refrigerator. If anyone were to tell him years ago that this would be the state his fridge was in, he’d scrunch his face in disgust and flick a booger at them for good measure. As it was now, he couldn’t bring himself to detest the condiment when it brought back a gleam into Hijikata’s eyes when Gintoki put it beside the _okayu_ he had prepared.

Even when Hijikata poured an ungodly amount of aforementioned yellow sauce on top of the steaming porridge, all Gintoki felt beside the almost-instinctual nausea was relief. He propped his chin on his hand and watched Hijikata muttered a ‘thank you for the food’ before started eating. Between blowing on the spoonful and consuming it, it didn’t take long until his cheeks were stuffed round. Something dangerously soft unfurled within Gintoki at the sight—it always did.

Leaning back, Gintoki rested his head on Hijikata’s shoulder. He immediately earned a grunt. “It’s difficult to eat, asshole.”

“I’m sure you can do it,” Gintoki encouraged, tone completely flat. This time he got a shove, albeit it wasn’t rough enough to dislodge him. Usually, Hijikata would try harder.

Gintoki’s hand wandered towards the edge of Hijikata’s yukata and he nimbly pulled it open. Hijikata’s grip on the ceramic spoon went tight. “What are you doing.”

“Checking up on the important assets,” Gintoki answered, gaze sweeping over Hijikata’s legs. By now, normally he’d have to wrestle Hijikata to take a more throughout look at his injuries. Its absence made for an easier task and rounded off the sense of wrongness.

The sight of purpling bruise on Hijikata’s right shank had Gintoki etch ‘ointment’ to the back of his mind. He put back the fabric in his hand to where it belonged and slid his hand to pat Hijikata’s thighs twice. “Can’t have them damaged, after all.”

Hijikata’s elbow connected with his solar plexus.

“Joking! I was only joking!” Gintoki cried, clutching his side and falling sideways until he was being held up by his elbow. Sharp rebuke was what he’d hoped he’d get out of the other man; instead, Hijikata only shot him a glare.

The discrepancy between the crease between his eyebrows and puffed up cheek would turn Gintoki into a witless disaster had it been on any other occasion. This time it made Gintoki drop the act and sat up straight. His hand subconsciously rubbed his nape.

Hijikata’s eyes looked too dull. It reminded him of the sky right before the first droplet of rain. It made him think of how lonely his back appeared following Mitsuba’s departure, how worn out he looked after defeating Itou Kamotarou, and how faraway he seemed on the nights he spoke of his brother.  

 _The raid finished tonight but we found a traitor in the rank_ , Yamazaki had said. _He... had to commit_ seppuku _under the Vice Commander’s order_.

A hand pinched his cheek—not enough to hurt but it did its job of snapping him out of his reverie.

“Wipe off that look on your face,” Hijikata reprimanded, expression settling on the familiar annoyance. He had finished eating and was shifting until their shoulders were pressed together.

The counter was almost effortless to find. “Not until all that gloom is wiped off from you.”

The creases on Hijikata’s face deepened. “I’m gonna be okay,” he said, tone slightly tetchy in the way he would always talk yet carrying a conviction someone in his position would own. It would be reassuring, to some. It was too practiced, to people like Gintoki.

 _Yes, you will, but how?_ Gintoki wanted to say, for this was how he knew Hijikata would deal with the grief: locking himself up in his room and filling up his ashtray until it overflowed, drowning in paperwork to not render useless the hours he spent unable to close his eyes, and going through the motions while not touching the anguish until it got too big and swallowed him whole, all while he was alone. _Like hell I’ll let you do that_ , Gintoki thought. _Like hell your idiotic friends will let you do that._ That was why they sent Hijikata here in the first place.

So Gintoki said, “Yes, you will. Then you’ll have fun dealing with Okita- _kun_ attempts at sabotaging your position, putting back the stalker gorilla to his place, and watching Jimmy- _kun_ ’s passionately engage himself in his latest obsession. Geez, all those precious tax, wasted on these weird people with even weirder fetishes.”

Hijikata stopped short from sipping his tea to scowl at Gintoki. “Oi, I don’t want to hear that from a sugar freak who doesn’t pay his taxes.”

“But,” Gintoki continued on, locking his gaze with Hijikata’s, “it’s exactly because it’s filled with those weird tax thieves that the Shinsengumi now is the one I know. Both the good and bad choices you guys went with—it wouldn’t be the Shinsengumi today if it wasn’t for them.” He smiled, the pride he held for the man in front of him oozed into it like second skin. “And who’s the idiot gutsy enough to make those decisions and will do anything to protect his fellow ragtag from any downfall, hm?”

As if the shroud veiling them had been lifted, for the first time during the night Hijikata’s eyes cleared. They finally reminded Gintoki of the stretch of the sea once more, like they always did.

Demon, many labelled him. Thorny, called the ones who understood him better. Yet looking at the man in front of him now, all Gintoki saw was a good person carrying an almost unbelievable weight on his shoulders.

That was why he wanted this man to know that all his efforts at enduring that burden mattered.

Hijikata glanced at the tea in his hands before setting it down and burying his head in the crook of Gintoki’s neck. “There are two idiots, then,” he answered, just as Gintoki began massaging his scalp.

“Gin- _san_ ’s clearly the brighter one, though. I would never force my subordinates to digest a ridiculous amount of dog food every day out of some twisted pleasure.”

“Apologize to mayonnaise, you bastard,” Hijikata growled. “Plus, it’s far superior to that parfait you’d end up adding into the menu. Mayonnaise raises the morale.”

Gintoki’s fingers brushed over the gauze on his temple. “Hijikata- _kun_ , did you get your head hit too hard? I’m gonna check, okay?”

“You—!”

Hijikata’s hands went for Gintoki’s head, but they were deftly held back by the wrists. At the obstruction, Hijikata pulled back his head to glower. The scrunched-up eyebrows, barred teeth, and dagger looks made Gintoki feel the lightest he had been since he had woken up.

Hijikata increased the force of his push. “What are you smiling at?”

“How cute Hijikata- _kun_ is, of course.”

A sudden surge of power shoved Gintoki back onto the couch, and he had a split-second to react before hands nearly seized his curls and face. “O— oi, calm down,” he attempted to pacify with an expression that had morphed into panic and hands that were trembling from the exertion of keeping still a monstrous strength.   

Although, he wouldn’t correct his previous statement, because there was no better way to describe a flustered Hijikata.

After a few more minutes of struggle between the two grown men on a narrow surface, they eventually stopped by virtue of almost falling off. Heart still pacing, Gintoki pillowed his head on his forearm and his other hand found Hijikata’s head again once it rested on his chest. Comfortable silence fell upon them; all the while Gintoki was enjoying the sensation of silky locks between his fingers.

“’M gonna get up. Lying down after eating is not healthy,” Hijikata said, voice slightly muffled.

“Spoilsport. It’s a nice feeling, you know?” Gintoki said, reluctant to let go.

His reply was a pinch on the softer part of his lower stomach. “That’s how it got like this, huh? By always sleeping right after eating? What a lazy bum.”

“Hey...” Gintoki lifted his head, a retort on the tip of his tongue, but it evaporated at the sight of Hijikata’s small smile and the soft shimmer in his eyes; his expression had gone soft with something akin to fondness. Head falling back, Gintoki murmured, “Ugh, that’s cheating.”

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Gintoki said. “Fine, get up, Hijikata- _kun_ , and brush your teeth like a good boy while I tidy up.”

“Make sure it’ll burn those off, Yorozuya,” Hijikata teased, and in Gintoki’s humble opinion mirth shouldn’t look _that_ sweet.

Gintoki stood up to gather everything on the table and went to the sink, concealing the warmth spreading on his face from Hijikata’s view. “Don’t come sulking when you miss the squish of Gin- _san_ ’s tummy!”

“It's not even gone yet so don't get your hopes up!”

He was insufferable like this. Gintoki wanted to kiss him silly.

 _Tomorrow_ , he thought determinedly, scrubbing the bowl with a little more force than necessary.

 _Tomorrow_ , he repeated, gentler this time when he saw exhaustion finally latched onto Hijikata, making him start to doze off while Gintoki rubbed cold balm over the bruise on his leg.

Tomorrow, he would kiss Hijikata and make good of his wallet on a feast for four at their favourite restaurant. Using it to stock up on strawberry milk was definitely an addition he’d make sure he’d get as well.

Suddenly, there were words whispered against his lips before it was replaced by a soft pressure and Gintoki could do nothing but freeze, mind coming to a complete stop. The culprit—curse, _curse_ that devil—fell to the futon, head landing right on the pillow, and immediately lost consciousness.

Gintoki had to grit his teeth lest he do something that would be a blow to his pride later. Clutching the edges of the blanket until they were rumpled up in his grip, he covered Hijikata with it from shoulder to toe.

 _Definitely tomorrow_ , he thought for the final time, getting under the covers himself and settling an arm around Hijikata to draw him close.

He’d have to combat Kagura’s complaints of ‘hogging Toshi’ first thing in the morning and fend her off so Hijikata could sleep for a little longer, but all of it could wait until the daybreak came and dust settled.

 

**Author's Note:**

> [even if it's in a whisper, at least one word—i want to tell you, "thank you."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=07qbQtRkS88)
> 
> writing anything resembling angst in english was harder than i thought... well, it was good practice! i finally got to write some loving hijikata hours as well. spoil this man lots, gin-san!
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you guys enjoyed it ♡


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